Here We Are...with Luci

GTSS = Goody Two-Shoes Syndrome

Part 2 of the Here We Are series, Live Your Life Out Loud

Are you the "good girl" who always follows the rules? Do you try to keep things moving along without confrontation? Many women in our society suffer from a chronic case of GTSS, also known as Goody Two-Shoes Syndrome. It may be tough to overcome this deeply ingrained plague on your personality, but it's not impossible.

The Live Your Life Out Loud series is here to help. This article is all about identifying the elements of being a Goody Two-Shoes. To find out if you have it, answer "yes" or "no" to the HWA non-scientific GTSS quiz. Be honest and note your answers - remember, no one is watching!

Take the Goody Two-Shoes Syndrome Quiz:

➊ Do you worry about what others think?

➋ Are you afraid to piss people off because they may not like you?

➌ Do you find yourself agreeing to things that you don't want to do?

➍ Do you find yourself agreeing to attend events you are not interested in?

➎ Do you always go "above and beyond" the call of duty?

➏ Do you avoid face to face confrontation at all cost? (This is different from #2)

➐ Do you always try to follow the rules?

➑ Do you find yourself wanting to change the discussion, but refrain from speaking up?

➒ Are you worried about your "permanent" record?

➓ Is the word "should" weighing you down with obligations?

Diagnosis A: If you answered "no" to all: Wow! You go girl! You are Living Your Life Out Loud with pure "caution be damned" gusto!

• Prescription A: Keep it up and share with other women who need a little help overcoming GTSS.

Diagnosis B: If you answered "yes" to three or fewer questions: you have a mild case of GTSS. Not too shabby girlfriend!

• Prescription B: Focus on each of the scenarios to which you responded "yes." Make a decision to answer with a firm "no" or take the active position the next time the situation arises, i.e., speaking up when there is a verbal bully at a dinner table.

Diagnosis C: If you answered "yes" to five or fewer: you have a compounding case of GTSS.

• Prescription C: Time to analyze why, and most importantly, recognize the situations as they are occurring. Then you can say "no" at the time the circumstance presents itself. Curing GTSS requires immediate attention and practice, practice, practice. Pick the one that happens most frequently and change your response. You are halfway there, stay the course. NOTE: Others may not like your new response, but tough nuts on them. It's time to think about yourself for a change.

Diagnosis D: If you answered "yes" to six or more: Ouch! You have a severe case of GTSS.

• Prescription D: Don't worry, this is a process and you already took the first step by taking the quiz, answering honestly, and evaluating yourself. Start today by implementing the prescriptions for B & C (above). Pick one scenario that repeatedly plagues you and attack it until you are in control. For instance, the next time someone expects your time at an event or gathering that you do not want to attend, say no immediately and be done with it. This sounds easy, but some people find it hard to say "no" to anything. The biggest challenge to a severe case of GTSS is feeling overwhelmed. That is why the "one symptom of GTSS at a time" approach will yield noticeable improvement. This work takes commitment and time, but will be well worth the effort. When you are cured of GTSS, you'll be on your way to Living Your Life Out Loud and loving every minute of it!

As we continue the HWA Live Your Life Out Loud series, we will be addressing many of the issues that contribute to GTSS. Hang in there, and remember to take care of yourself, use the word "no" when you really want to...and if you miss the chance, another scenario will show up shortly for you to practice on.

After you take the quiz and determine your level of GTSS, please comment and tell us the hardest symptoms of GTSS for you to overcome. If you've overcome one or more, tell us how you did it. Sharing makes it easy for the next person because it helps them to know they are not alone. 

Our Deepest Fear: Stepping Into Your Power

Part 1 of the Here We Are series, Live Your Life Out Loud 

Are you struggling to bloom into the rose you were meant to be? It may be time to step into your power and become the person that lights up a room, lives to her fullest potential, thereby encouraging the best in others. She is in there, and you know it!

Don't be afraid that this is too hard to accomplish or that empowerment will take more energy than you have to make a change. Sometimes all it takes is the realization that you have been "shrinking" in order to "keep the peace," "don't rock the boat," or "protect other people's feelings." If you recognize these feelings in your life, then this excerpt will give you the support you are seeking.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson, from the book, A Return To Love

Dare to be brilliant, talented, fabulous, interesting, outspoken, and anything else you want to be. Amazing things will happen when you step into your power and let your light shine for the world to see!

Bringing Back Rites of Passage

A Guest Post by Donna Maria Coles Johnson, Indie Business Blog

When my daughter, Vanessa, was born, I made the conscious decision not to have her ears pierced while she was an infant. I studied this issue very carefully while I was pregnant and I knew that the nurses in the delivery room would perform the service for free if I asked them to. This seemed appealing considering it would save me the trouble later and my daughter would never remember the pain of the piercing.

On the other hand, I have a very vivid memory of the day my ears were pierced. I had begged my mother for months to let me have them pierced. She'd never had her ears pierced so it was not a priority for her. She kept saying that I was too young.

Finally, one day, at the shopping mall, she let me do it. I was so excited, you would have thought I had been given a new car. I waited patiently in line behind two other girls who were much younger than my 16 years. They barely winced when the piercing "gun" went off. When it was my turn, it was over in an instant. It was a simple process, but for me, it was nothing short of an introduction to womanhood.

Now, I thought, I could be glamorous. I could wear coordinating ear ring, necklace and bracelet sets. I could move my head and watch my ear rings dangle. I could catch people's attention by the way a gold hoop or a silver shape caught the light.

I had arrived.

Kathy Ireland: A Model Message For All Women

Kathy Ireland's latest book, Real Solutions For Busy Moms, Your Guide to Success and Sanity, offers readers a well-designed, practical plan on topics that range from money matters to household safety.

NOTE: A new copy, signed by Kathy, is the May Gift Giveaway for a Here We Are reader who comments on any entry during this month (you must be subscribed by email).

At a recent event, as Kathy signed the copy, she also included the message, "Please take care of yourself." While the book focuses on "Moms," it carries a message for all women to remember to first take care of oneself. There are several chapters dedicated to this very idea, "No I In Mom," and "Your Best You."

Are you taking care of "you?" If you have to pause to think about the last time you did anything for yourself, the answer is probably "no." During a discussion of the book, Kathy spoke about this very issue women encounter, "Take time for yourself before everyone else...YOU are a member of your family, so taking care of your family means taking care of yourself." This seems simple enough, but why is it so many women struggle with this common, self-induced dilemma?

While I don't claim to have the answer, one of the reasons Here We Are exists is to help busy women enjoy a variety of useful topics. It also exists as a place to explore ideas, thoughts, and important issues to empower women to live a better, brighter, easier lifestyle on our way to running the world. If we can't take care of ourselves, we will never run the world. We will just stay exhausted, distracted, and begin to forget who we are as individuals. If we are not strong individually, we can not be strong collectively.   

Yes, this is a complex, and perhaps, an uncomfortable area to explore; but we have to begin thinking in terms of our own best personal treatment or lack thereof. It is not selfish, egotistical, or vain. It is self-preserving, self-honoring, and necessary.

So tonight, tomorrow, and the day after...implement Kathy's message as a model to shape your life each and every day, "Please take care of yourself."

Tell us your approach to taking care of yourself or how you will begin this process by adding a comment below.

Helping Hearts Pound By Pound

Dear Here We Are Readers:

Recently, a charity drive for the Children's Heart Surgery Fund in the UK came to my attention. The drive is organized by Chris Garrett, a blogging authority whose guidance is  one of the reasons Here We Are exists. It pains me to think of any kid being sick, so when I learned of Chris' effort I decided to pitch in to help a good cause.

I discovered it is a worthy organization that "funds valuable equipment, resources and research for the treatment of children with heart defects and provides a happy and relaxed atmosphere within the hospital for both the children and their families."  The goal of this fund drive is 10,000GBP (British Pound Sterling).

With the economy tanking, "donation fatigue," and people losing jobs, homes, and hope, I pondered why it is important to help this fund drive. I began thinking about women with sick children. The nameless, faceless mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers of sick babies, toddlers, and teens. As you know by now, Here We Are is written by women for women with an emphasis on making women's lives better, brighter, and easier as we move forward in running the world. Think of the rewards and positive effect women would have on the current state of affairs around the world if we, as a force, could be making the important decisions. Thinking big and taking action will get us there one day soon. In the meantime, helping and supporting each other every day in different ways will move this process along.

This month, a donation will be made to Chris' Fund Drive in lieu of our February Gift Giveaway. While we do not ask our readers for money on Here We Are, we do ask that you will consider donating a small amount if you can to this drive. Every Dollar, Pound, or Euro lends hope to a woman who has worry in her gut and a tear in her eye for her ailing child.

It is easy to donate. Justgiving, the donation service hosting the drive, takes credit cards or PayPal. They take care of the conversion rate (click link to figure out the $ amount you wish to give; NOTE: you must pay in Pounds and there is a 2 Pound minimum. For example, 2-GBP will cost you approx. $2.85US). PLUS: As explained in this cute video, a bit of extra money is added by the British government to certain donations.
Justgiving Fees - Explained in Video! from Justgiving on Vimeo.

As February, the month of the heart, comes to a close, I hope you will consider reaching out to another woman in the world to help her child's heart become healthier pound by pound.

Thank you so much!

Luci

Not Today…A Quote For All Seasons and All Women

As the year winds down, reflection starts to set in. We ponder what might have been done differently, the boundaries we set or not, and the plans we want to implement in the New Year. I offer up a tiny tool with big impact to aid you from adding more to your daily routine. It is something I will be using today, tomorrow, and into the New Year as it is forever cemented into my vernacular.

On Christmas Eve, a little girl taught me a big girl quote. My two-year-old niece, Angelina, has mysteriously come up with the perfect quote for women of all ages to draw on in awkward moments. After opening a gift of less than thrilling wool hats, she was asked if she would like to try them on. She politely, but firmly stated, “Not today.” You can see her reaction to these hats in the above photo.

It wasn’t off-putting, insulting, or offensive, but rather definitive, simple, and clear without a trace of guilt, worry, or second-guessing herself. These two little words shoot straight to the point. There is no mixed message or cloudy intent. It is an answer that conveys neither a positive nor a negative point of view on the topic, and yet speaks volumes about your position.

We have all had a tongue-tied moment, a thorny incident, or a tricky confrontation where “Not today,” could have saved stress, time, and energy. Looking back, I think…Aha, if only I had said “Not today” in so many of these situations. Well now I will, and you can, too. So today, tomorrow, and into the New Year, whenever you are put on the spot, remember to practice this quote…simply say, “Not today.”

Try it out and let us know what happens or share another response you use that is effective.