Here We Are...with Luci

Energy Vampires and Toxic Friends and Poisonous Pals, Oh My!

While they don't show up saying, "I want to suck your blood," Energy Vampires will sap you of every ounce of energy you allow them to feast upon. Fear not! You are among many who have also met up with at least one of these draining monsters. Call them energy vampires, "toxic" friends, or poisonous pals, recognizing them will make you invulnerable to their dark charms.

These aberrant versions of friends appear in all shapes and sizes, and once they sink their teeth into you, it's hard to escape. The stats collected by SELF.com and TODAY.com (in a joint survey), on this scary relationship trend will startle you awake before you get bitten again!

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TODAY.com, the online home of America's No. 1 morning program, and SELF.com, the official website of the women's well-being magazine SELF, unveiled the results of their "Toxic Friends" survey, which searched for the truth about "poisonous pals." In the extensive poll of 18,000 women (ages 18 - 80), 84% said they have had at least one venomous friend who has brought toxicity into the relationship through belittling, backstabbing, or judging.

The top five types of toxic friends identified in the survey include:

- The "Narcissist" - 65% of people have endured an egomaniac pal.

- The "Chronic Downer" - 59% of people have a friend that is overly needy and emotionally draining.

- The "Critic" - 55% of people have become friends with someone that is overly critical.

- The "Underminer" - 45% of people have a friend that delivers backhanded compliments.

- The "Flake" - 37% of people have a friend who is reliably unreliable.

"More than 8 in 10 women say they have a toxic friend - a social vampire who sucks their time and joy - yet nobody admits to being a bad friend themselves," said Julia Sommerfeld, senior editor for TODAY.com. "Unlike family, we get to choose our friends, so it's a bit surprising that so many of us hang on to people that make us unhappy. Our results are a healthy reminder to surround yourself with friends who support and fortify you - and also, to look at your own behavior and make sure you are truly a friend worth keeping."

Perhaps even more surprising, 83 percent of women admitted that they have stayed in friendships with a "frenemy," simply because it felt too tough to end it.

"Women deal with stress from all over - the economy, their families, their bodies. Friends should be a source of strength, support and positive emotional well-being. If a friendship adds to the overall anxiety you're feeling, it may be that you owe it to yourself to make a change there," states Lucy Danziger, SELF Editor-in-Chief. "Think about the fact that your health is at stake and take measures to protect yourself against toxic emotions. SELF helps you figure out if and when you need to bail on a relationship and how to do it. It's a matter of taking care of yourself."

Additional findings from this survey include:

Best Friends: No Matter What?... 33% said that their toxic friend was also their best friend.

Work Buddies: Making Our 9 to 5 Easier?.. Nearly 40% have experienced a major conflict with a friend at work. 25% noted that when a work friendship ended, the work relationship felt strained, too.

Taking Our Friendships Online: 37% of respondents have hidden a friend on Facebook when upset or sick of him or her.

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These results should spook anyone into analyzing their friendships. If you aren't feeling good after an encounter with a particular pal, it may be time to make a change. Don't be afraid... Be brave, face the fear of ending the friendship, and remember to wear a scarf when you do it!

Thank you to TODAY.com and SELF.com for republication permission (color emphasis added).

★ TODAY.com is the first stop for consumers interested in news, advice and lifestyle information of all kinds. In addition to the interviews and tips from NBC's TODAY, the site offers a behind-the-scenes blog and regular expert columns on everything from food and fashion, to parenting and relationships. TODAY.com also offers original web-only reporting and interactive features to help make sense of the latest news and trends. TODAY.com. Don't miss a moment.
 
★ Reaching 10 million readers and online users, SELF provides the information and inspiration to help every woman take charge of her life, reach her well-being goals and become her best SELF. SELF is the founder of the Pink Ribbon for breast cancer awareness and an ASME National Magazine Award winner for excellence in journalistic achievement in print and online. SELF is published by Condé Nast, home to some of the world's most celebrated media brands. For more information, visit SELF.com.

 

Life Beyond Breast Cancer: Healing The Mind, Body, & Spirit

CLICK HERE to listen to the Here We Are radio show episode, Life Beyond Breast Cancer: Healing The Mind, Body, & Spirit.

If you are lost in a dark tunnel trying to find a life beyond breast cancer, then this is the show for you or someone you love.

Guests, Debbie Woodbury, and Lockey Maisonneuve, explain how healing the mind of the emotional grip of this ordeal, coupled with rehabilitative exercise to regain one's control over the body can put you on a beneficial path beyond the experience.

As cancer survivors, these ladies have both been down this path and share vulnerable, difficult moments, as well as a positive, real, and honest insight on making the most after the medical procedures are over. Learn from the philosophies and approach they offer during their live seminars for women going through the same experience.

You are not alone... Listen to this informative show, like their Facebook pages, take an exercise class, and join this much needed community experience that Debbie and Lockey are leading. Gain from what these ladies are offering as you work toward healing the mind, body and spirit.

Debbie Woodbury is a breast cancer survivor who, like other survivors moving beyond treatment, asked herself the question: Where do I go now? Her answer: she created Where We Go Now, an interactive community for cancer survivors living life beyond cancer. Where We Go Now is a place to share and connect through Debbie's blog, reader comments, the Gifts and Losses List, and her page on Facebook at Where We Go Now.com with Debbie Woodbury. She is excited to be a part of the richness of lives lived beyond cancer.

Lockey Maisonneuve is a personal trainer and breast cancer survivor. Lockey created MovingOn exercise programs for breast cancer survivors after experiencing the challenges that go along with rehabilitation and side effects of chemotherapy and radiation. MovingOn exercise programs are THE final stage of recovery from breast cancer. You can find out about her classes and more at Moving On From Cancer, and Lockeys Moving On page on Facebook.

NOTE: The HWA October Gift of The Month, is being provided by Lisa Kasper of  Blue Moon Candles. To shine light on the need for a breast cancer cure, she developed the Hope Candle - made from organic veggie wax with Blue Moon's Pink Sugar scent, wrapped in a pink silk bag. Lovely in so many ways! One HWA email subscriber will win a Hope Candle. Profits from the Hope Candle sales go to the American Cancer Society.

 

[The claims made about specific products or procedures on or through this website are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease. The reviews and opinions provided on this show are for informational purposes only and are not intended as a substitute for advice from your physician or other health care professional. Please consult with a health-care professional before taking or administering any new product or treatment to yourself or anyone else.]

10 Do's & Don'ts of Great Customer Service

As you may know, one of my many hats is that of a decor consultant. Currently, I am working on a flip house, as well as prepping for several new projects (it's been hectic!). The success of a renovation is measured by the details of the finished project (just ask Jeff Lewis, star of the television show, Flipping Out).

Over the last few years, I've dealt with dozens of trade people, from plumbers, tile workers, craftsmen, stone installers, to carpenters, landscapers, merchandisers, and more. My approach to each vendor is to treat them with respect, be on-time with payment, and strive toward a mutual dialogue to achieve the desired result. I've hired, fired, recommended, referred, and cultivated ongoing business relationships. I've learned a lot along the way as I've been the recipient of customer service that runs the gamut from excellent to decent to shockingly poor.

If you run or own a business of any kind, let these Do's & Don'ts for great customer service help you gain and maintain repeat clients:

1. Do what you say you are going to do

2. Don't try to amend the agreed upon transaction along the way

3. Do what you are hired to do as close in time as possible to the original agreement

4. Don't tell a customer who is on a deadline that you can't deliver because you've decided to go on vacation, pick up your kid from college, etc.; remember TIME IS $ FOR EVERYONE and the person with the $ is the boss!

5. Do ask questions about the project, order, selection, etc. (VERY IMPORTANT: Something may seem obvious, but clarifying could make the difference between right and wrong in the final result.)

6. Don't expect the customer to accept YOUR oversight/mistake in YOUR area of expertise. This is not a way to build loyalty. TIP: People (aka customers) realize things happen, so always try to offer a remedy or an option to alleviate an issue; it goes a loooong way to building a business relationship.

7. Do admit it if you make a mistake or run into a problem; being up front with a negative will garner loyalty

8. Don't put the onus of a problem on your employees; no one sounds good passing the buck onto another who has no power to change or amend the situation

9. Do return phone calls and emails immediately, or make a phone date to discuss issues, a new order, etc.; don't leave a customer hanging in limbo waiting on answers - deal with it sooner, rather than later - AND read the entire email

10. Do treat your customers with respect and appreciation; say THANK YOU when they refer someone, make a payment, use your service, tweet about you or your company, etc.

BONUS: Under-promise and over-deliver... Even small details go a long way to cultivating a business relationship!

Ultimately, it's about keeping your paying customers happy. You don't have to give away the store, but be mindful that you are treating people in the best possible way under the circumstance. A customer taken for granted is a customer lost to you forever. And remember, even the smallest of business owners are now subject to a national platform of ratings, reviews, comments... Word of mouth, good and bad, can travel as fast as the push of a button.

Did I forget anything? Have you had a great experience that business owners can learn from or implement? How about a really bad one? What is your customer service philosophy? Share with us!

DECOR TIP: One of the best ways to lend pop and value to any home is the use of natural stone. There is no alternative that looks quite as beautiful or makes such a statement, even in a small bathroom.

To Have And To Hold

Grandma's wisdom...

Today is my maternal grandparents wedding anniversary. They were married in 1929 (the day this picture was taken) and it lasted 63 years until death parted them; one from illness, the other a broken-heart.

Grandma and grandpa, also known as "Lucy and Pete," were a great influence in my formative years. I especially learned a lot about being a woman from my grandmother, who was a smart, fashionable, opinionated, funny, make-no-excuses, kind of lady. She said what she meant and meant what she said.

While my grandmother was a product of stereotypical gender roles, i.e., wife, mother, grandmother, she embraced it, was the best she could be, and always maintained her voice. She and my grandfather had the best marriage of anyone I've ever known. Not to say they didn't have ups and downs, but ultimately, they treated each other with respect, kindness, appreciation, and love.

This particular lesson came about as she was hurrying to wash out hair coloring before my grandfather came home from work. When I suggested that he wouldn't care, she looked at me in a very calm but definitive manner, and said,

There are things a husband doesn't need to know, things he never needs to see... It's up to you to decide what they are.

At the time, I was too young to really understand the importance of this philosophy. Now, I realize that she was right... Leaving a little mystery can be a healthy thing in any intimate relationship. It's about maintaining the magic. Do you agree? Is there something you never let your significant other see? Something you won't share? How do you keep the magic going? 

EXTRA: Other lesson's from Grandma, Holiday Haste Makes Waste (scroll down in article for 5 easy to use life lessons).

BONUS: Engaged? Check out 6 Easy and Practicle Tips For Planning A Wedding.

"We" Turns Three!

Get the cake and candles... Here We Are turns 3 today!

It's hard to believe three years has gone by since the first HWA post was published. In that time, we've grown quite a bit...

When I first registered the HWA website with the blog ranking site, Technorati, HWA received a ranking placement of 2 Million+ with zero authority. According to my research, in 2008 Technorati tracked and ranked over 100 million registered blogs. [Note: #1 is the highest available rank position; but the greater the authority number the better. Here is the Technorati Authority & Ranking FAQ page.]

Today, HWA is ranked on Technorati at 51,375 with a 96 overall authority quotient {these numbers do fluctuate slightly on a daily basis.} Not too shabby! Looks like we're heading in the right direction!

Using those numbers as a gage... it seems our intention - that every article, Facebook update, Radio Show, and Chick Flick Chat must serve the HWA reader - is working. Thank you for being part of this better, brighter, easier journey! We look forward to our fourth year with you.

October 2011: Spooktacular

Announcements, Updates, & Reminders 

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Energy Vampires: Every woman has encountered at least one of these draining monsters. Beware! They appear in all shapes and sizes disguised as friends. Stop letting them drain your blood (oops, I mean energy). Look for the upcoming Here We Are article about "toxic friends." The stats collected by Self.com and Today.com in a joint survey on this scary friendship trend will startle you awake before you get bitten again!

Ghouls Need Not Apply: The last words anyone wants to hear from a crazy roommate is, "I'm home!" Join us live on the air on Saturday, Oct. 15 at 5:30pm EST for our Chick Flick Chat radio show, featuring the films, "The Roommate" & "Single White Female" . Don't be afraid to call-in as we compare and contrast the latest nightmare tale with the classic female fear fest which arise out of twisted friendship plots.

Conquering Frightening Results: If you are lost in a dark tunnel trying to find a Life Beyond Breast Cancer: Healing The Mind, Body, & Spirit, be sure to tune in to this special episode of the HWA Radio Show on Thursday, Oct. 20 at 10:30am EST. Guests, Debbie Woodbury, of Where We Go Now, and Lockey Maisonneuve, of MovingOn, both know from first-hand experience about living beyond breast cancer. These ladies will share valuable guidance - from their sought after live seminars - on healing to help you find your way back into the light of life.

UPDATES

Gifts Are Brewing: The September gift to one lucky HWA email subscriber, an Eden's Alchemy Body Butter, is being provided by EA's generous and talented business owner, Lisa Kasper. Besides the Sept. HWA gift, you still have another chance to win an Eden's Alchemy natural treat...

No Trick, Just A Treat Giveaway: During Lisa's guest appearance on the HWA radio show, Lisa Kasper, Entrepreneur: Making Scents Of It All, Lisa revealed a "secret word." Listen to the show soon, then email her the secret word (through either of her websites; one email per person please) to be included in a random drawing [Hurry! All emails must be sent in by Oct. 31, 2011]. The gift is an Eden's Alchemy 8 oz. Nutrient Rich Body Butter, in the winners choice of fragrance.

Pink & Blue Moonlighting: This busy lady isn't stopping at two giveaways, she is also providing the HWA October Gift of The Month, from her other company, Blue Moon Candles. [Told ya' she is busy!]

To shine light on the need for a breast cancer cure, she developed the Hope Candle - made from organic veggie wax with Blue Moon's Pink Sugar scent, wrapped in a pink silk bag. Lovely in so many ways! One HWA email subscriber will win a Hope Candle. Thank you, Lisa! (All 3 winners will be listed in November's Announcements article.) Note: Profits from the Hope Candle sales go to the American Cancer Society.

REMINDERS

Bobbing For Apples: It's apple time! Not sure which type of apple to select for baking? Then carry the HWA Shopping List Of The Best Baking Apples to the store and bake up our EASY Apple Tart. Don't worry if a goblin hid your tart pan, just use a shallow pie dish.

Flower of the Month: The October flower is Calendula, AKA, Marigold. This bright yellow to deep orange color flower carries the general meaning of joy, comfort of the heart.

The Marigold, that goes to bed wi' the sun, and with him rises weeping. ~ Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale, Act IV, sc. iii